I have been going through a dry spell, spiritually. This is really unusual for me, especially in the Easter Season. It might be due to the weather. Perhaps I am just getting old. I have stopped eating sweets and junk food. They were my comfort foods, so I am leaning to cope without them. Getting healthy is not yet fun for me. I hope I will recapture my that sense of wellness I had when I was young and healthy.
I also know that, as God calls me deeper and deeper in the spiritual life He wants me to be more dependant on Him whether the feelings are there or not. I have gone through various levels of this in the past, usually not very sucessfully. I would try to conjure up feelings with sugar highs. (I don't do drugs and I seldom drink). Sometimes I would get the adrenaline flowing by doing scary things like jumping off cliffs. As I age, my body can no longer endure any of these attempts.
I'm not really sure what I am trying to say with this post, but maybe just letting people know that this smiling, happy priest also struggles will help others to know that I am normal and they are normal. I have had spiritual direction with people who think there is something wrong with them because they don't "feel" anything when they pray. One oft repeated epitaph from lapsed Catholics is that they "didn't get anything from Mass."
Even in my dryness, I know that I am getting more than I can imagine from Mass. I am getting the Body and Blood, Soul and Divinity of Jesus Christ each time I receive Holy Communion! I am getting graces from God. I am getting strenth to persevere in my faith. I am getting contact with fellow Catholics. I am getting an hour per Mass where I am free from phones, media, noise and demands from other people. I am getting to spend time with my Savior Jesus who is substantially present, not just symbolically or metaphorically, in the Catholic Church. This is NOT available in non-Catholic worship spaces.
Praise God. Just typing this has made me feel much better already!